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Welcome to our adult relationships humor, funny articles and sex jokes! Learn and live from these very old, handed down words to the wise about all things sexual in the universe!
A loving father
goes into his son’s room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare – the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie Susie dies.
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Celebrity Quotes About Who Really Cares
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. – Roseanne
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. – Billy Crystal
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, “My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!” – Dave Barry
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. – Jay Leno
In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women’s breasts? – Jay Leno
We have women in the military, but they don’t put us in the front lines. They don’t know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, “You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.” – Elayne Boosler
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. – Phyllis Diller
There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So, what’s the problem? – Jay Leno
When the sun comes up, I have morals again. – Elayne Boosler
There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.” – Jerry Seinfeld
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten. – George Carlin
Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. – Lewis Grizzard
The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. – Jeff Foxworthy
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Sexual Stupidity – What Not to Say!1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.
2) How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.
3) What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
4) What’s the difference between love, true love, and showing off? Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
5) What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
6) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
7) What is the biggest problem for an atheist? No one to talk to during orgasm.
8) What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse’s ass? A mechanic.
9) Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
10) Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony? She is the one who can eat the last donut.
11) Jewish dilemma: Free PORK.
12) The three words most hated by men during sex: “Are you in?”
13) The three words women hate to hear when having sex: “Honey, I’m home!”
14) Why do men take showers instead of baths? Pissing in the bath is disgusting.
15) Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off, you wonder where her tits went.
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